"Men's evil manners live in brass; their virtues we write in water."

"Ill deeds are doubled with an evil word."

"No legacy is so rich as honesty."

"Was ever book containing such vile matter so fairly bound? O, that deceit should dwell in such a gorgeous palace!"

"I had rather have a fool make me merry, than experience make me sad."

"From the still-vexed Bermoothes."

"Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all."

"Every man should keep a fair-sized cemetery in which to bury the faults of his friends."

"What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds."

"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards"

"The more you know, the less you need."

"Some believe all that parents, tutors, and kindred believe. They take their principles by inheritance, and defend them as they would their estates, because they are born heirs to them."